Now that husband & I have decided we are Going To Be Investors, we need to get our finances in order. Or at the very least, we to find out exactly what our current expenses are. I am vaguely aware that we have a mortgage and electricity but beyond that, admit complete defeat. And this is not a *gender issue* so much as an *lazy as molasses* issue. For years, I was the person primarily responsible for paying the bills in our house. Except that sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t and then we just decided that I am much better at other things - like reading and twitter and playing scrabble with our boys – and so we switched.
Which is great.
My husband and I are pretty autonomous, though we chat regularly throughout the day. So in the same way that he may mention that he had a sandwich for lunch, he doesn’t usually confess to the exact size of the sandwich and exactly what condiments he chose to put on the pastrami, I may mention that I was at the bookstore, and then not feel compelled to mention the exact size of the purchase or what credit card would be supporting my addiction this time. It’s sorta the same thing, right??
So I was delighted to know that I am not the only with financial indiscretions. According to Forbes , 31% of us are already doing it anyway. My first reaction? Well, if so many of us are already doing it, how bad can it be, right? But then I remembered that the divorce rate is 47%. Yikes!!
According to the Forbes article, “Betrayal regarding money can be just as painful and damaging as other kinds of cheating,” says Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. When a partner is caught concealing huge amounts of debt or involved in money-related addictions, the result can be a “total loss of trust, feelings of betrayal and destruction of the relationship.”
Whoa Whoa – hang on. Can we stop & talk about white lies instead? I agree, major financial indiscretions have the potential to compound & be extremely damaging but the extent of my *fibs* usually include claiming an item half off or suggesting that the shoes really did come with the purchase – Anthropologie is just really really sweet that way.
I would comfortably describe white lies as lies - but with really awesome super sweet intentions. As in:
- That lady on the cover of the fashion magazine is a drawing. No one looks like that in real life.
- Your kids are so freaking awesome – really!!
- Nice to see you too!!
- Now kids, eat up – it’s not red cabbage — it’s just purple spaghetti
- No seriously, pole-dancing really suits you!
That said, I am recognizing that this may just be semantics gone wild and that I need to be more transparent. I have decided that if I am comfortable disclosing the entire purchase (and it’s actual cost) to husband then it’s a go. If not I will walk away. As much as I enjoy our current laissez-faire attitude towards savings & investments, I would also like to feel the smug satisfaction of an amazing investment portfolio too. So I am totally ok with this. Sorta…
What financial indiscretions have you been guilty of (I promise not to tell)